You've got a friend in me.

I have writer’s block.

That’s what I like to tell myself, even though I know it’s not that at all. I have “writer’s block” because I haven’t been prioritizing my time with God recently. By “recently” I mean for at least a couple months. No – more than a couple. By “prioritizing” I mean spending any real time at all.

I’ve had what most would consider good reasons. Third trimester pregnancy is no joke (especially at my age – facts are facts, y’all)…and then Christmas eve our sweet blessing entered the world and turned ours upside down (in the best way possible). Through the exhaustion and pain and recovery and new routine (that isn’t a routine at all) – my quiet time with God just…slipped. And I’m recognizing now how long it took to build that connection, but how quickly and how much it was diminished in just a short period.

But that’s how it is with relationships, right? It takes a significant investment of time and resources to build, but not much to severe the cord of connection.

It isn’t just my quiet time with the Lord that suffered – along with it was a prayer life I was already struggling with. And do you know what ELSE I noticed? My thought life had also changed. I went from utter certainty and acceptance of God’s plan and purpose for my life, his presence in my daily activities, his protection over me and my family – to irrational fear about literally everything, but most predominantly my newborn. As I laid in bed trying to figure out where all of this came from, I realized that the lack of quiet time, prayer connection, and general focus on my Creator had allowed the enemy to creep into my thought life and hold it hostage in uncertainty and fear.

And it happened with just a few months of very real, very logical, very rational distractions.

Unintentional. Below the radar. Heavy damage.

Today is a new day, a day to do better. I decided to sit down and write through the writer’s block. I started playing worship music for me and Cora during chores or rocking (she loves it, too – it should be familiar since I played this playlist constantly while I was pregnant.) I started a new book and chose one about prayer since I’ve already been struggling with that topic. I ordered a fancy baby wrap so that the afternoon nap that has to be ON me can be a time that I sit and read and take notes while she sleeps wrapped up on my chest. I decided to figure it out and start making it a priority again…because I’ve realized just how necessary it is for my mental health.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path. – Proverbs 3:6

We tend to view this verse as God setting out the plans and future for us, but I have come to learn that there is so much more to God setting our path straight. It’s not just about what our next step is…but it’s about our daily perspective. It’s the confidence that we walk through life with on a day-to-day basis that the Creator of the world is our friend. That he wants a deep relationship with us. The one who can work any miracle wants to be our friend. Don’t believe me? Jesus himself said it.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. – John 15:15

Friendships require investment. But you know what the best friendships have to offer? They pick up right where you left off when you lose connection for a while. They don’t judge you or get upset because it’s been a while since you called, or hold all the “we should hang out soon” plans that never came to fruition against you. They recognize that sometimes life moves faster than we realize, and what was supposed to be a couple weeks turned into a couple months. You pick up where you left off and promise to do better. And since Jesus is the best friend any of us can have – he offers the same grace.

So today, I’m picking up where I left off with Jesus. With a big “I’m so sorry” and intentions to do better moving forward…but with a friend who knows I will likely mess it up again. And when I do, he’ll be waiting – full of grace – for me to call and say “How has it been so long? I’ve missed you.” We’ll pick up where we left off and I’ll wonder why I ever thought anything was more important, because the Savior of the world is my friend.