Since I've been gone...

It’s been quite some time since I posted (2 whole months!), and boy did I leave you with quite the cliffhanger…I WILL get back to Accessing the Holy Spirit.

But let me start by apologizing – I went MIA for a reason some of you already know, but may not know the whole story and how God has been glorified these last couple months. I’ll start from the beginning…

In April of this year, I started having dreams – a lot of dreams – about babies. It made sense, babies represent new beginnings and can often mean ministry or new callings; I had just made a major change in my life and had stopped working full-time, and I was primed for the next thing God called me to. But as the nights progressed, these dreams were different. I knew something in my heart was changing, but I didn’t understand it. The dreams were all the same theme, and I would wake up feeling very strong, almost overwhelming emotional responses to what was happening to these babies. I began to tell my husband about them, asking for prayer because I knew God was preparing my heart for something big, but I couldn’t figure out WHAT. This happened multiple nights a week for a solid month.

In early May, I was again having another dream about a baby – only as I started to wake up feeling the same overwhelming emotions, I heard “Take heart. Walk in faith. Believe me for her.” screeeeeeech [begin actual mental conversation] What?! Believe me for her…believe me for who? Walk in faith for what? You cannot be talking about that baby; I don’t want a baby. I haven’t asked for a baby. Oh my goodness, I want a baby. You’re talking about that baby. “Honey, wake up. I think we’re going to have a baby.”

My husband, who graciously accepted being jolted awake to find his wife claiming God said we were going to have a baby, was not so convinced. As a matter of fact, he was - dare I say, aggressively - against this idea. I don’t blame him. We’re not young chickens; our kids were 14-17 years old already. We’d been planning our empty nest lives, I was feeling very settled into my “semi-retired” low workload life and more relaxed and happy than I have EVER been. I was becoming quite the proper housewife, AND I enjoyed it. A baby??? Noooooo…but yesssssss. I knew it. 

Several weeks later it was clear we were not having a baby, and I can’t lie and say I wasn’t a little disappointed. Partially because by this point my heart desired a baby like no other time in my life ever, and partially because I was so certain I had heard God that I started to doubt my ability to hear from him accurately. (Me hearing God and trusting that it was correctly has been a long-time struggle of mine…and not an area of confidence for me.) I didn’t know what to do – I knew my husband was not a fan of that idea anyway, so in some ways it was good, right? But I know what I heard, so if it doesn’t mean THAT, then what DOES it mean?

The dreams stopped. I held a little hope, and certainly teased my husband every time we walked past a baby anything…but my confidence was shaken. Thankfully, not for long…a month later, one day before my oldest turned 18 (God’s got jokes too…) it was confirmed. We were pregnant. My heart was so full, so confusingly full – somehow over the last 2 months God had completely turned my heart around on babies, but also it was confirmation that I was hearing God, and I was hearing him correctly! But there was another piece to his message – her. It was a girl.

You should know, among my siblings there are NO girls. It’s a family joke that we only have boys and are incapable of making girls. So, not only was it completely unexpected (I’m the oldest child, with an 18-year-old now and everyone else was already done with kids) – if this was a GIRL, it was unprecedented.

The weeks passed, and I was claiming God’s word to everyone – we’re having a girl. Inside, truthfully, I allowed myself to leave space for doubt; I was scared of being devastated if I was wrong. Less about whether it was a boy or girl, but that old lack of confidence kept creeping in and saying “maybe you heard wrong…” I kept praying to God: I’m standing on the word you gave me, and I want you to be glorified through this. My stepmom, bless her heart, kept reminding me “those who trust in the Lord will not be put to shame” (Psalm 25:3) and Psalm 25 became a regular reading of mine.

Yesterday, we confirmed we have a little girl on the way. God is faithful. He talks to us even today if we’re attuned to listening. He will grant you the desires of your heart (even though He may MOLD the desires of your heart to His plan, first). I know that this baby is destined to honor and glorify God, and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for her. She’s truly a miracle in so many ways.

SO, that brings us back to my apology. Immediately after we found out I got very, very sick and could barely function, let alone write. Thankfully, that tide seems to have turned and God has begun flooding my head with so much writing I can barely keep up…so I should be back on track and writing more!

I hope this story blesses you in some way – whether it gives you faith to believe what you know God told you, or just faith to keep seeking what He may have to tell you in the future. He is with you, He is for you, He will never forsake you, His promises are true.

Until next time…be blessed!